Circles of Life

I think its a requirement to post photos of your child's first trick or treating experience so I'll be back on tomorrow to do just that. But this post is about something different. 

On Thursday night my Nanny passed away. She'd been struggling with her health for the past few years but longevity runs in the Penkman genes (her mom was over 100!) and my Nanny P was as tough as they come. Who ever heard of making sure that you had your hair cut and styled before you called the ambulance to pick you up b/c you had just broken your hip?! Once when I visited her and she was in her 70s (and I was in my early 20s), we walked around Liverpool for so many hours and at such a pace that she had to apologize to me for wearing me out!!! So, even though we all knew that she had grown frail in the last few years, it was hard to really imagine her passing anytime soon. We were all a little surprised to receive the news. She passed peacefully and that is definitely a comforting thought. 

I didn't get to see my Nan often with her living in England and me living in Hawaii these past few years. Greg and I did pay her a visit in the summer of 2005 and we're so glad that we did. He got to meet my Nanny and she got to meet my husband to be. She never did get to meet Kai but I sent her a casting of his handprint last Christmas so at least I know she got to feel him. 

I had a funny feeling all day after I found out that Nanny P had died. I couldn't put my finger on it and finally it hit me. I felt like something was missing, like a branch had been broken, like the circle wasn't quite complete. This feeling of something missing was palpable. It was like there was a shifting in me, in what makes up my life.  For the first time I really understood what folks mean when they talk or write about our connection to each other and how we are made up of those we come from and those who come from us. In Hawaii, your ancestry and family heritage are who you are. Everything else is just extra. Family is what made you and what roots you. I think in some way, I appreciate and understand that more deeply now.