I don't like exercise classes...

One of the things about moving alot is that you have to re-establish all of your routines every time. This includes finding a new hair dresser, massage therapist, dentist, doctor, pediatrician, places to run, bike, swim, a new yoga class and so on. It can be fun scoping out all of the new possibilities.... or....not.

Last night I tried out a "yoga" class in town. It was advertised as a combo of movement, yoga and pilates. Sounded interesting.... Now, what follows is not meant to make fun of exercise teacher personal trainer types. I know some who are really good (and they can take a joke). But I am a psychologist after all, so I know what it is like to have people make fun of what you do....(does the phrase "are you analyzing me" sound familiar?...take note people...the answer is NO!)

Well my exercise teacher looked a bit like a yogi with his shiny bald head but the Livestrong bracelet and spandex shorts were a little incongruent. Once class started, I found myself doing some Richard Simmons style low-impact aerobics. As most of my friends know, I left aerobics behind along with bar hopping and staying up all night many years ago after I discovered that I could exercise when I wanted to, without a perky teacher, and in the great outdoors. So, once we started our toe tapping, bicep curling aerobic two-step (sans music if you can imagine), followed by some great big yogic breaths.....(picture a very loud shhhhhhhhhh sound), I spent the next 30 minutes trying to figure out how to escape. There were two very big doors in one very big room and there were only 8 of us. If I was going to pick up my sticky mat and make a run for it, it wasn't going to be pretty. So I waved my arms and tapped my toes along with the rest of the class and counted down the minutes unobtrusively on my watch. How can I possibly go somewhere else in my head yet remain coordinated enough that spandex Yogi won't notice? He kept checking on me "....Louise, you alright? How you doin'?"...Ugh.

I got through the low impact aerobics and through some squats, leg lifts and other Hollywood work out type exercises. Finally we moved onto some yoga...warrior pose, triangle pose....hmmmm, I guess that was about it. Oh, yes, and downward dog...this was some interesting yoga. Spandex Yogi prattled on about the current financial crisis and the Bush administration's response to it while also lecturing us on the lack of a true mind/body duality and instructing us on how to lower our cholesterol through eating fewer lipids. He taught us about concentric and eccentric contractions and about bilateral symmetry and asymmetry. I got educated, if not enlightened. I also learned during a particularly grueling set of crunches that God appreciated my effort. 

After the Oms that seemed so incredibly out of place, and when class was thankfully, blissfully over, Spandex Yogi thwarted my efforts to disappear and wanted to know what I thought...was I going to join up for his pricey weekly class or not? I tried to frame my HELL NO! reply as diplomatically as possible so as not to injure his self-esteem in any way and jumped into my getaway car! I have asked my sweet husband that the next time I mention attending any indoor workout class that does not involve spinning or REAL yoga...(or maybe, on a very patient day, pilates), that he is to take away the car keys and my wallet!